Marriage

It wasn’t much. Just a little note taped to a door. A few simple words. Nothing profound. But that simple note changed everything about the day.

I walked into a room, like I did every day, but this day I found a note that read, “Christ is everywhere, SO BE HAPPY.” It was from my then 9-year-old daughter. And it couldn’t have come at a better moment as we were praying to know if God was calling us to sell our home and move. It was as though God Himself spoke right to my heart. He was with us; He would always be with us. In the most ordinary place in the most ordinary way, the extraordinary broke through.

The simplest things.

The sacred in the ordinary.

The holy in the everyday.

This was a concept St. Patrick took to heart. His famous prayer (see below) includes the lines “Christ in my sleeping, Christ in my sitting, Christ in my rising, light of my life.” What could be more ordinary than sleeping, sitting, and rising? What could be more extraordinary that Christ being there in the midst of those things?

One the best pieces of advice I can offer to both ministers and parents alike is simply this “You don’t need to DO more; you need to invite Christ into what you are already doing.”

So many times we can feel the pressure to do more, to be more, to add more to our lives so that we ensure God has His rightful place in our ministries and in our homes. But in doing that, we can sometimes miss the point…that Christ is already there, in our midst, just waiting to be invited into our every day.

Jonathan Edwards, an early 18th century theologian, once said, Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by His rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.”

Can that be true? Is a family, a home, like a little church?

I can’t help but think about what Jesus said when he spoke to his disciples and said, “Wherever two or more of you are gathered in my name, there I am with you” (Mt. 18:20). Interestingly, most Christian marriages begin in churches where they are joined together quite literally “in Jesus name.” So, two people (or more once they have children) gathered together in Christ’s name means that Christ is in their midst..all the time…including in their home, their little church.

It stands to reason then, that the ordinary and everyday rhythms and routines of the home become extraordinary places for us to welcome, invite, and acknowledge Christ’s presence with us; chief means of grace.

We don’t have to designate special times to do that; we can do that in the simplest moments of the everyday. Moments like when we rise and when we lie down, when we sit and when we go out. When we are watching television and when we are eating breakfast. When we are crying and when we are celebrating.

In this world of full busy lives, adding one more thing to our plate can feel impossible and overwhelming. Isn’t it wonderful to know that Jesus is already there? And simply acknowledging that to each other, to our spouse, to our kids, to our guests can take the most ordinary things and make them sacramental, holy unto God?

The next time you are watching television, simply ask your child, “How do you think Jesus would respond in a situation like that?”

The next time you are folding laundry, simply pray for the owner of each sock, shirt, skirt, and shorts.

The next time you are saying goodbye to your spouse, simply grab their hand and pray a quick blessing before they walk out the door.

The next time you are doing the most ordinary, mundane, everyday thing you can imagine, just turn your head and look and see Jesus right beside you.

This St. Patrick’s Day, let’s join him in his prayer of extraordinary ordinary life.

Christ be beside me,
Christ be before me,
Christ be behind me,
King of my heart.

Christ be within me,
Christ be below me,
Christ be above me,
never to part.

Christ on my right hand,
Christ on my left hand,
Christ all around me,
shield in the strife.

Christ in my sleeping,
Christ in my sitting,
Christ in my rising,
light of my life.

Christ be in all hearts thinking about me;
Christ be on all tongues telling of me;
Christ be the vision in eyes that see me;
in ears that hear me, Christ ever be.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
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About the author

Christina Embree is wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and family minister at Nicholasville UMC. She is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. Currently studying Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, Seedbed, and ChildrensMinistryBlog.com.

Marriage is hard.

Half of all marriages end in divorce, and that’s true, even within the church. Second marriages are even more tenuous.

Happy marriages are treasures, but few and far between.

The reality is…the institution of marriage is falling apart in America.

Have you ever heard these things? Ever shared them with someone else? Ever heard it from the pulpit or shared in a small group or (gulp) read them in a blog post?

If you are like me, the answer to these questions is Yes. These are the messages we often hear about marriage in evangelical Christian circles. At least these are the messages I’ve always heard.

Until this past week at D6 Family Ministry conference. I heard these things there too, but not in the way I’d ever heard them before. This week, for the first time that I can remember, I heard the truth…the whole truth, shared by one of the foremost marriage researchers and analysts in the country, Shaunti Feldhahn.

In her session with us, Shaunti tackled each of these long-held beliefs one at a time and then challenged us with something so important: We NEED to tell our kids the truth about marriage. Below are some thoughts from her about “marriage myths” and a challenge to us as parents and ministers to make sure our children and students know the truth, in an age where truth is relative and media driven, instead of found in God and based on reality.

Myths of Marriage that we tell our kids

#1 – 50% divorce rate (Half of all marriages end in divorce)

This statistic was based on a study where the demographers were looking at trends in divorce and concluded it would lead to a 50% divorce rate if it continued.. But THE TRUTH IS divorce rates peaked in 1980 and has been dropping since. They are currently down 30% from that time.

THE TRUTH IS that right now, according to U.S. Census Bureau, 71% of married Americans are still married to their first spouse. The 29% who aren’t still married to their first spouse includes everyone who had a spouse die, including those who were married to their first spouse for 50+ years.

No one knows what the actual rate of divorce rate but it’s probably closer to 25%. Most marriages last a lifetime.

#2 – Rate of Divorce is the same in the church

The study used for this came from George Barna who was actually studying belief systems and specifically excluded church attendance. THE TRUTH IS when church attendance was added in, the divorce rate drops 45-50% LOWER than the average.

Another myth that grew out of the same research is that second marriages are doomed to fail. THE TRUTH IS actually 65% of second marriages make it for the remainder of the spouse’s lifetime. (Since, according to Ron Deal, also speaking at D6 Conference, 100 million people are now in blended families, this is good news that we need to know and share with those we know and serve.)

#3 – Most Marriages are “Meh” (not great)

We say things like “Marriage is hard.” This is not the best advertisement for the institution of marriage. What we mean is marriage takes hard work. We tell kids that marriage is complicated but clearest trend in research is most problems are not caused by the big ticket issues, but in small things that are miscommunicated.

For example things like: Husband isn’t good with words but works 70 hours a week to provide for his family while the wife is feeling abandoned (70% of women would give up the stuff to get more of him). Wife says I love you and does loving things but also criticizes a lot and that’s the most painful thing for a man.

Simple but critical miscommunication over a long period of time is the leading cause of divorce, not the “headliner” issues.

In an informal survey, peopler were asked, “What percentage of marriages do you think are happy?” Usually 8 out of 10 responders guessed that 30% of marriages are happy. THE TRUTH IS studies show that somewhere around 80% of marriages are happy, not perfect but happy.

Most people enjoy being married. Even people who were struggling in marriage, if they stuck it out for 5 years, rated their marriage as very happy after that time. It is so important to help people stick it out by telling them the truth.

Divorce looms really large in the eyes of a child, but that is the exception but not the rule. It is our job to make sure that they know that! We must pass along hope for marriages to our kids. Every kid needs to know that doing what the Bible says does matter. Every child needs to understand that marriage is a good thing, a blessed thing, and something that most people cherish, long for, enjoy, and are committed to. They need to hear from us that marriage is a good thing, a gift from God and a blessing to us, so that they have hope. And frankly, so that we have hope.

We need to tell our children the truth.

We need to share it from the pulpit, in our small groups, with our own kids, and with our friends. We need to encourage those we know who are struggling. We need to speak truth into second marriages and blended families. We need to not allow fear to frame our world and create a self-fulfilling prophecy in the next generation.

Being aware of our culture includes being aware when we’ve been duped…and I admit, I was. I am excited to speak about marriage to my kids, to give them hope and anticipation of their own future marriages , and to do so with the truth on my side!

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About the author